It’s one of those days where you stalk someone you still love and notice that he already posted a love quote. Maybe he fell in love already. Maybe… I kept telling myself.
A tear fell on my cheek. It triggered a pain, I guess. And then it hit me, I am still waiting for him.
You don’t have to love me
You don’t have to care as much as I care for you
Just know that I will be right here
If and when you need me
But I have decided a long time to move on and I have to move forward. Even in small steps. Even if I don’t have the courage… I still have to.
I don’t know how to tell you
It’s been you all this time
But I know I’ll just mess this up
‘Cause I am way out of line
Quotes from the song “Courage – I Belong To The Zoo”
I accidentally listened to P!nk’s song “But We Lost It” while I am on my way home yesterday night. It made me realize things I am putting on hold for a long time.
You walked by and it’s like our bodies never touch
No love, you hold me close, but I don’t feel much
I cry, maybe time isn’t on our side
We had a thing but we lost it
Is the universe telling me something?
I am feeling blue, a bit lonely. I miss him. However, I can sense I am slowly changing. With my recent solo trip, I realized I am better and stronger alone. I am not afraid anymore like I used to be. With also the news of my best friend moving abroad, I guess there is no better time than now.
For the first time in a long time, I’m not scared of what the future holds. I’m excited for the unknown. For me and no one else.
I read this on thought catalog:
You and I could have been something great. I wanted to build you up, to make you stronger, to grow and change with you. To be in love and stay in love. But life had other plans. There’s no sense in holding onto the past just because you live there. I live here and now, and even though it might take a little more time than I would like, I know that I can do it now.
I can make a life and not feel like there’s a giant hole where you should be.
And I gotta tell you, that’s the best feeling in the world.
credits to: http://www.marymakesgood.com/2014/04/how-to-throw-a-sushi-making-party.html for image
7 months ago, I decided to be a Pescetarian and this might be one of the most committed lifestyle change I have ever done.
A lifestyle change is not easy during the first 3 months. The moment you decide to do a change, integrity as well as commitment shall follow through. My decision to become a Pescetarian was not an overnight choice. It came after gaining 2 pounds of weight (3 months post surgery), reading articles regarding thyroid related diseases and after watching a Netflix Documentary (What The Health) recommended by a friend.
I have a thyroid problem (Multinodular goiter) which largely contributes to this lifestyle change. 10 months ago, I recently had a subtotal thyroidectomy (partial removal of thyroid) due to an enlarged cystic nodule and thyroid gland. I am very lucky to be in the hands of well-trained and experienced surgeons which reduced the rate of complications (permanent/recurrent laryngeal nerve injury, wound infection, bleeding, airway obstruction, hypocalcemia). My voice hasn’t changed after the surgery and it was a miracle that the result of biopsy of the nodule was benign.
Functional heterogeneity of normal follicular cells, most probably due to genetic and acquisition of new inheritable qualities by replicating epithelial cells. Gender (women) is an important factor.
Subsequent functional and structural abnormalities in growing goiters.
SECONDARY FACTORS
Elevated TSH (induced by iodine deficiency, natural goitrogens, inborn errors of thyroid hormone synthesis)
Smoking, stress, certain drugs
Other thyroid-stimulating factors (IGF-1 and others)
Endogenous factor (gender)
These basic and secondary factors may cause the thyroid to grow and gradually evolve into an diffuse goiter together with nodules and cysts. The incidence of goiter, diffuse and nodular, is very much dependent on the status of iodine intake. Low Iodine intake or smoking/stress, together with familial goiter (primary factors), will result to a decrease of serum thyroid hormone (T4). With an increase of TSH production, diffuse goiter will occur followed by nodule formation. Finally, after a number of years of cell mutation, a large multinodular goiter is present with cystic areas, hemorrhage, fibrosis and calcium deposits. (see screenshot below)
However recurrence after goiter surgery is rare and the frequency of hypothyroidism is low, but there is still possibility. You see even if the possibility is 1% or less than, I still have to be aware of my condition. Primary factor states it is genetic disorder which means I am still carrying this disorder and may eventually passed on to my future offspring. Since I already have these cell disorder, I might as well take care of my body more.
So I asked myself, should I be pure vegan or should I still consider fish / seafood to my diet. I weigh the pros and cons of veganisim and pescetarianism. Since maintaining my thyroid healthy is a priority and I an get recommended amounts of iodine by eating a variety of foods, including the following: Fish (such as cod and tuna), seaweed, shrimp, and other seafood, I considered to go the pescetarian way. A pescetarian is a person who abstains in eating animal flesh and choose to consume vegetables and fish / seafoods instead. Pescetarian is not a a vegetarian diet a vegetarian diet excludes all animals; and fish are animals.
Some may find it odd because I am not consuming red meat which is the norm. But if you look closely to the things included in this diet, this has more benefits in the long run. Most diseases are usually triggered by secondary factors which are improper diet or stress or a poor lifestyle. According to this article, following a pescetarian diet could potentially lower risk of heart disease, type 2 diabetes, dementia, erectile dysfunction and depression.
My friends and family have really supported me with this diet and had given me full control of deciding my meals. I had to learn how to cook on my own and eaten plants which I usually don’t eat. My friends have given considerations on restaurants or food to order so I could have choices. I am not encouraging to them to this lifestyle but making them aware is enough. You see, living accordingly to this lifestyle doesn’t come easy especially when there is only limited number of choices. Eating out is hard since most establishments doesn’t cater to this kind of diet. Nevertheless, I have saved more and I have eaten happily. I have given my body the right kind of attention it should have a long time ago.
I am not used to committing things but since I decided that health is a priority, I somehow miraculously made it through. I am 7 months into this diet and still counting. I have learned so much during the process of living this way and I also believed that we can always be aware of the food we intake in our body.
Being fascinated of the East Asian Culture at a young age, I always wanted to study Chinese and/or Korean and/or Japanese languages. Luckily, my elective in college was Japanese and being a 90’s kid in the Philippines, I got used to watching Anime during afternoon and was already being introduced in the Japanese Culture. It was during the summer of 2003, when the cartoons from Japan were being replaced by Chinese TV Drama shows such as “Meteor Garden”. It was a crazy era for teenagers like me. I was one of those fans who would eager to memorize lyrics, sang and watch the F4 MTVs played on MYX and collected mementos. Although, at first I was a fan and I liked the premise of Meteor Garden more I began to became curious of another rival show. You see, what really strikes my attention was the familiar story line – it’s like Slam Dunk meets a love story, that’s what “My MVP Valentine” is about. The show didn’t have the beautiful casts as promoted by Meteor Garden but what caught my attention simply because of its OST (comprises of Chinese Songs, Korean Songs, Japanese Songs).
My MVP Valentine OST is a two-disc OST produced by Avex Trax-Taiwan. The first disc contains four songs from 5566, the lead cast, while the second disc is a compilation of various J-pop and K-pop songs.
I am a music enthusiast who is fond of listening to new melodies and I got addicted to listening to BoA’s Neul (Waiting..). I still own the original CDs which I bought at the Odyssey for Php 350 and those CDs will always be a special memorabilia of my teenage years. As my curiosity grew larger, I started downloading songs in Kazaa and Limewire from the artists in the OST (for eg. BoA, Shinhwa, Do As Infinity). What really made a mark on my heart was the singer BoA. She had two songs on the OST – a Korean Song (Waiting) which is credited in the OST and a Japanese song (Every Heart) which is not credited but was also used in the show. I downloaded most of her songs, made mixtapes of it and burned it on CD and listened to her mostly during my teenage years.
As you can see the impact of the show “My MVP Valentine”, can surely be seen until now. I am still a BoA fan for more than a decade and has collected memorabilia from Korea and Japan because of my obsession. Being a fan of hers, I have been introduced to the Korean Music and has a vast collection of different genre from Korean Hiphop – Epik High, to Korean Pop – Bigbang (my boyband Bias since 2006) to Korean Indie – 10cm. I also witnessed the rise of the 2nd generation girl groups which unfortunately 80% has already disbanded (2NE1,Wonder Girls, KARA, Miss A). I still credit BoA for introducing me to JPOP and Japanese Hiphop such as Utada Hikaru, Ayumi Hamasaki, Koda Kumi, TVXQ, M.Flo, Daichi Miura and etc. She was the core of everything and it just spawns to different things such as my curiosity for Korean Culture and Japanese Culture. She has became my role model for speaking Korean and Japanese fluently.
So if you’ll ask me why I studied Japanese / Korean? Simply the real reason was to understand her songs.
This 2018, my goal is to take at least one language class and take the TOPIK (Test of Proficiency in Korean) again. I was able to passed the TOPIK back in 2012 but since the validity is 2 years, I plan to take it again. According to KCC, the next TOPIK examination will be on May 20, 2018 – TOPIK Announcement.
Where to Study Asian Language Classes in Manila?
Korean
UP Arirang Org
This is run by Students who give free Korean Lessons once you signed up for their registration. They will accept 100 registrants but only 60 would qualify for the class. The class is fast paced so it’s good of if you could attend the 10 sessions religiously. I would recommend this for a refresher as well as those who have already a background on Korean language.
This is where I studied back in 2012 for Elementary Korean 1. The place is in BGC, near St. Lukes Hospital. I would definitely recommend especially for beginners to try enrolling here. Unfortunately due to high demand in the Korean Language studies, the online slots were usually closed right after opening. The 2018 schedule is already posted on their FB Site / Official Website so bookmark if you plan to study next year.
Fee: Beginners Korean – (Php 2000), Elementary 1 & 2 (Php 2500), Intermediate 2 (Php 3000), Conversational Korean (Php 2000) – Inclusive of Books and Workbook
Asian Languages
Extramural Classes – Department of Linguistics (University of the Philippines)
There is a wide variety of Asian Languages being offered by the Department of Linguistics – University of the Philippines. However, I was not yet able to successful enroll on one of its classes. I am still wait listed for the Japanese Class (Saturday Classes) and according to them the slots will free up by Jan 3. They have an online registration which is to be used for enrollment and there is a designated slots for each class. Usually its 24 students on each class and they even offer higher levels of languages (the highest is for Korean and Japanese which is 9, I think).
The above list were just a few classes that I was able to attend and hoping to attend in the future. As you can see, there are still classes out there which I may not know or you may suggest so please post it on the comments below. Make sure they are also affordable.
It was almost a year ago since I started blogging on my medium account. I only posted a year-ender blog but after that a single post was never followed. I had some excuses like “I have no material to write about”, “I have no time to blog”, “I am in deep sorrow” or in short “I have totally forgotten about that blog”. Again and again, no matter how over used this statement is I’m a believer that excuses are for the weak. As I was reading my article, it was then that I realized how fast a year can go by. The post was about “A New Hope”, it’s not about the Star Wars movie although I had quite a fascination on it, I was comparing the 2017 new year to a new hope. I was in a series of emotional breakdown months before I wrote that piece and I found myself looking for hope or hoping there is.
A walk down the memory lane, the past year was a mix of yin and yang. To start it off, last January my aunt and cousin from United States visited us here in the Philippines. I was able to visit El Nido, Palawan with my cousins which is my first domestic airline trip with family members. Then 2 months later on March 2017, I had my first major operation. I had a partial thyroid removal because of a benign nodule (as big as an egg). This experience had such a great impact that 6 months ago I decided to become a pescetarian (person who does not eat meat but does eat fish). Although having this operation had some back draw, like how expensive the operation was that it drained my savings. I am still thankful that I was able to pay all my debts before the year ends (with God’s Grace). Two weeks after a successful operation, I attended a Coldplay concert in Singapore. My doctor didn’t allow me to fly outside the Philippines but I insisted on going since the airfare and concert ticked were already paid. Again, I am quite a hard headed girl that doesn’t like rules so I still push through. Then following month, I have resigned on an IT company that I spent almost 6 years and moved to an FMCG company. To tick off on my bucket list, I was also able to attend the the solo concert of G-Dragon (super ultimate bias kpop artist ever) back in September. And last but not the least, before the year ends I went to South Korea again for the 4th time and went to Coron, Palawan both on the same month.
Walk in Nami Island, Nov 2017
Thank you Seoul for a great 5 days with you. I’ve learned a lot during my stay with you. You may be harsh (due to the cold weather) and my knees failed me (I had a hard time walking down the stairs this time), but I learned how to be patient and enjoy the scenery and process instead. Thank you, till we meet again. 😘
As I look back, I realized so many things have happened. The list above were the major ones which I am already grateful for. However, I don’t want to miss the small moments in between. The moments that somehow we overlooked but they still add up to the happiness we experienced like for me – grocery shopping alone, meditation classes I attended back in February, gym exercises with my gym buddies, having coffee with my friends, board games with my cousins and friends, going to church with my family during Sundays, able to sleep during weekends, korean classes on UP by the UP Arirang Org, able to binge watch on Netflix, etc. No matter how insignificant they were, they still added to my 2017 year and I am still hoping to bring them to my new year.
Indeed 2017 was a new hope. It was a fresh start from everything. I hope 2018 is returning back to a long lost forgotten love – blogging and studying. I already went to study Korean Language again during the later part of 2017, and I am hopeful to get a slot on Conversational or Elementary 2 at KCC (Korean Cultural Center). I am alread waitlisted on Japanese 1 in the Extramural Languages at UP for the Saturday classes. I am still keeping my fingers crossed on that. I’m beginning to go back to my writing roots. I am also thinking about furthering my studies – such as taking a Master’s degree because there’s no best way to increase my market value but to study. There are so many things in the pipeline that I wanted to do but these 2 are topping my list for 2018.
I had trouble bottling up emotions and a friend of mine used to say, “Write your feelings..“. I figured out, it was time to share through writing my experiences for e.g. my beautification journey, becoming a pescetarian here in the Philippines, my thyroid removal experience, and such. I had a wide variety of things I wanted to do, it must’ve been my Gemini sign that keeps me doing a lot of weird things. It’s time to put it out there, to write what is on my beautiful and awesome brain. It may sound absurd, but I know someone out there is as weirdly as me.
In between travelling and reading, I am also looking forward to 2018 to discover locally made products which I hope can help a lot of local business here in the Philippines. I hope I can also contribute to the world by being an example of sustainable living. I am also excited to study gardening / planting on my own backyard but for now, I am choosing to eat healthily and mindfully. So much had changed in a year and every year I have chosen to level up.
As 2017 closes in a few days here I am sharing a snippet of my post dated Dec 31, 2016. You may view the entire piece on the link below.
Believer of not writing any new year’s resolution, I’d rather believe that hope is already given in each moment or each day that I have. The living mantra I will take as I live is to love and be grateful for each moment and to treat it as if it were my last. I love and am thankful for the now.
The Non-Conformist Girl 